Ask away so I can amuse the heck out of you. :) http://formspring.me/naxczmachine

Ask away so I can amuse the heck out of you. :) http://formspring.me/naxczmachine

Ask away so I can amuse the heck out of you. :) http://formspring.me/naxczmachine

Labels: mingming ko, trip

You just do whatever you think of doing.

Go on. I don't want to stop you from doing things that please you the most.
I don't want to restrain you from being you.

I don't want you to think you shouldn't go because I need you. Yes, I do. But please. Don't trouble yourself on my account.

I want you to be happy. If you can't do that with me, I understand. Yet while you're still staying, let me do everything I could for you. Just allow me. Maybe you'd change your mind.

And if you don't, well . . . no hard feelings. I daresay it would be about time for you to decide this way. I've hindered a normal college life for you long enough. Hindered a normal feminine life for you long enough.

I didn't mean to keep you for so long. I became selfish. I'm sorry for leading you on into something which, you once said, was a very wrong thing from the very start.

If anything, I want you to stay with me. Badly. I won't put in any euphemisms because that's how it is. You know I'm not pushing you away by writing this; you know I am making you understand that if ever you need to do something for yourself, I don't have to trouble you.

You know, don't you? You even know I need you the same way you need me.

I want to keep you for a lifetime. You won't allow that. I know. Maybe I can't allow that too, even if you did.

I am happy with what we are now. There could not be anything more, though. I have nothing more to offer. Everything I am is now yours.

If I could give more, force even a little feeble drop of more out of me, it would be yours.

Expect that tomorrow, the next day and the days after it, I would be counting those waking moments you spent in my arms. Why? So that if ever you go, I'd smile instead of cry every time I remember you.

Which would be probably most of the day.

If ever I would be sorry, it would be about the fact that I never followed most of the things you tell me. I caused you heartaches. I know.

There is nothing else to be sorry about. I would never be sorry I decided to stay.

I'll still love you even if you do it. It's hard not to do so. Push me down a cliff and that would still be the last thought on my mind.

You need not worry about me fending for myself in such a tasteless world. I've picked up a few tricks from you. You taught me a lot. You taught me how to give importance. You even taught me how to give you importance without meaning to.

I'm not regretful, though. I'm glad someone stayed long enough to teach me that.

Thank you. Whether you will leave or not, you deserve it. Thank you for being willing to intertwine your soul with an undeserving person like me.

It made me deserving; turned me into a person better respected, better understood, better loved. You were the one responsible. Thank you.

I sent you a poem once. I said I was envious for not being the one who wrote it. Yet Neruda did not say one thing, which I will: I would love your feet even if they're already walking away from me.

If one day you think you want to be set free, tell me. I'll be prepared. Or, if I wasn't, I'll . . . well, let's just suppose I'll be prepared. Okay?

If that one day comes, don't worry. Tears run dry.

At least I'll be able to test that one little theory.

Two things are happening. One is, Mingming has been gone for five days already, and I miss her terribly. Two, Mntc [mama ni te chai] is arriving from Saudi Arabia to Manila tomorrow afternoon.

One, happiness for the meantime is gone.

Two, freedom is going as well.

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NAXCZ. the [self-proclaimed] writer. [trying-hard] blogger. [almost, not quite] fashionista. [not a fucking] conyo. [anti] emo. [dying to be a] rockstar. [sincere] lover. everything [nasty] you could ever ask for.


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